No Mr Ketchum, You Can't Have A Baby
by S.A. Tsukasa
Summary: In which Ash seeks advice on a rather delicate subject.
1. Chapter 1

No Mr. Ketchum, You Can't Have Babies.

Disclaimer: If I owned Pokemon, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about my own enterprise. It would be animated or turned into one of those doujinshi type things at the very least.

Author's Note: Okay, the idea is loosely based off a palletshipping thread on bulbagarden .net. When I say 'loosely' I mean, almost barely.

I shall dedicate it to AnimeDutchess and anime affictionada and everyone else who posts in that thread. If you want to, think of this as a little appetizer for my really big project. I'm still working on it, but the first three chapters should be up in a few days.

Pairings: Palletshipping and (surprise!) Appealshipping. If you don't know what Appealshipping is, boy will YOU be surprised...

No Mr. Ketchum, you can't have babies.

A woman looked up from her notes to examine her current patients. One was a short man with boyish features. Nothing about him seemed remarkable except for some strange markings on his face that she assumed were freckles. He had messy black hair and brown eyes. His choice of clothing was, without a doubt, sloppy. The woman hoped her own son would never come to this man for fashion advice.

Standing next to the freckled man was, well, another man. He was considerably taller than the other, with brown hair and dark blue eyes. He was dressed much more appropriately for an appointment, but something about his body language irritated her. The man seemed to believe he was too good for her little office on the 37th floor.

The woman, Ms. Parker, considered for a moment that these two might actually be brothers.

Correction, Ms. Parker hoped these two were brothers.

Very distant brothers.

Very distant _adopted_ brothers. ...From different countries.

Ms. Parker put down her notebook and leaned back in her office chair. Her arms were folded on her lap.

"Yes...?" she drawled out.

The freckled boy stepped toward her and held out his hand.

"Hey, my name's Ash Ketchum and this is my boyfriend Gary. Do you think you can answer a few questions for us?" He had such a warm, inviting smile on his face; Ms. Parker had to resist the urge to punch him.

'Does he honestly expect me to shake his hand after that introduction?!' she thought bitterly. After a few seconds, Mr. Ketchum returned his hand to his side and took his seat beside Gary.

Ms. Parker sighed deeply. She did not want to deal with this right now...

"Did you set up an appointment, Mr. Ketchum?" she asked slowly and deliberately. The brunet, Gary, leaned forward in his seat.

"We wouldn't be here if he didn't." he said in the same manner as she.

'Great...' she thought as she resisted the urge to roll her eyes, 'the fags have learned to defend themselves...'

Ms. Parker rose from her seat and walked in front of her clients.

"Mr. Ketchum, what would you like to know? I'm not sure if we can help you."

Mr. Ketchum sat up a little straighter in his seat. He stared at the woman for a moment, his eyes boring holes into hers. Ms. Parker was distinctly uncomfortable. She hated men staring at her. It was something that was imbedded into her as a small girl.

"Ms. Parker...me and my boyfriend-..."

_'...-My boyfriend and I...'_ she corrected mentally.

"-...well...Ms. Parker, I want a baby."

... ... ... "Excuse me?"

Mr. Ketchum looked surprised but then he broke into another of those bright smiles.

"I want a baby."

Ms. Parker looked to Gary.

"Is he serious?" she asked him.

Gary nodded. "He's been talking about it for ages."

Ms. Parker looked back at Mr. Ketchum.

"You're serious."

Mr. Ketchum nodded.

Ms. Parker took a deep breath and sat on the edge of her desk. She looked towards her clock. It was too early for her to walk out and too late to use lunch as an excuse.

She walked back to her chair and propped her elbows on her desk, her head resting on her laced fingers.

"Mr. Ketchum, you can't have babies."

"Huh? Why not?" he looked like a sad puppy. That only made Ms. Parker want to punch him harder.

She took another deep, calming, breath.

"Mr. Ketchum," she sneered, "it is _biologically impossible_ for you to bear children."

"That's what I told him," Gary said, "but he wanted to talk to a professional."

Ms. Parker clicked her tongue. Of course, Mr. Ketchum's partner would be smart enough to bring his lover to a _marriage counselor_ for _baby advice_, because that just made so much _sense_.

"But, I want a baby!" Mr. Ketchum cried.

"Do you know how babies are born, Mr. Ketchum?"

"Well, duh! What do you think I am, 10 years old? Two people go into a bedroom-..."

"-Or a kitchen." interrupted his boyfriend.

Mr. Ketchum and Ms. Parker both turned a healthy shade of red. Gary smirked and continued. "Or a bathtub, or a sofa, or a table or a-..."

"Please continue Mr. Ketchum!" Ms. Parker yelled as soon as she regained her voice. She could have sworn Gary continued to list...inappropriate enjoyment areas...just to agitate her. Well, she would not rise to the bait!

Mr. Ketchum shook his head. His face was still red.

"Well, anyway, two people go into a bedroom-," he shot a dirty look at Gary, "and the next day, when they come out, one of them is pregnant."

Ms. Parker nodded her head. She wasn't going correct him if he really didn't know how it all happened. "Okay Mr. Ketchum, can you tell me which one of the two people is usually pregnant?"

Mr. Ketchum actually took while to respond.

'_Is he actually considering the question?'_ she tilted her head slightly, as if that would help her understand the situation.

"Well, the girl gets pregnant."

Ms. Parker nodded again. "Right. And are you a girl, Mr. Ketchum?"

This time, he didn't even pause to think.

"Of course not!"

"Then you can't have a baby Mr. Ketchum."

Mr. Ketchum stared at her. "Wait a minute...I can't have a baby because I'm a boy?"

She nodded.

"But that's not fair!"

Ms. Parker glared at Mr. Ketchum.

"You cannot go through nine months of pregnancy Mr. Ketchum. You are a boy. You do not have to right equipment to hold a child inside of you."

Mr. Ketchum stared at her as if she had grown a second head. Ms. Parker slammed her fist onto her desk.

"Mr. Ketchum!" She snapped, "What part of that is not clear? You!" she pointed at him, "Cannot! Bear! A! Child!"

Mr. Ketchum looked like a Magikarp on dry land.

"What are you talking about?"

Ms. Parker wanted to scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time. It was weird.

...She needed a vacation.

"If I can't have the baby, can Gary have the baby?"

Ms. Parker chuckled. "No, Mr. Ketchum. He can't have it either. Neither of you can have a baby. And you know why? It's because you're both boys. And boys can't have babies."

Mr. Ketchum settled back into his seat, as if he were deep in thought. Gary was staring out the window, as if he expected the conversation to end up like this.

"Do you understand Mr. Ketchum?" she said, trying to sound gentle this time. Mr. Ketchum looked really hurt. "You just can't have a baby."

Mr. Ketchum fidgeted in his seat. "But Zoey and Dawn got to have a baby..."

"Exactly Mr. Ketchum, they can have a child because Dawn is a girl and-..."

"..-So is Zoey..."

Ms. Parker stared at Gary.

"You're kidding, right?"

Gary shook his head.

"You're – You're just trying to make this harder than it really is, aren't you." She asked.

Again, Gary shook his head.

She turned her attention back to Mr. Ketchum.

"Mr. Ketchum...how? How did Dawn become pregnant?"

Mr. Ketchum gave her another smile.

'There he goes again with that stupid smile!' Ms. Parker thought.

"Well, she went to a hospital and she told me that she and Zoey went into a room and when she came out she was pregnant."

Ms. Parker twitched. _'Couldn't he say that a bit more...eloquently?!'_

Ms. Parker looked to the clock in her room. Only fifteen minutes had passed since these two came into her room. _'I think I'll take my break now...'_

Ms. Parker walked to one of her file cabinets and pulled out a large manila folder. She took out a form and handed it to Gary.

"Just fill out this form and hand it to my secretary." She said. She put the manila folder away and reached for her jacket.

"Huh? What's that for?" Mr. Ketchum asked.

She ignored Ash's outburst and continued to speak to Gary.

"They are adoption papers. It's much easier than explaining to you're thickheaded boyfriend that he just can't get pregnant."

At this comment, Ash spun around in his seat and glared at Ms. Parker.

"What! I'm not getting pregnant, Gary is!"

Author's note: Okay, I'm not too good with comedy and I kinda just wanted to get the idea out of my head. Peace out peeps.

Flames are accepted. Those should be interesting to read.


	2. Chapter 2

No Mr. Ketchum You Can't Have a Baby.

Chapter Two:

What it Really Means to Be Pregnant 

Or

I Can't Wait Until Chapter Three!

Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Game Freak, Nintendo, and Pokemon USA. If any of the events in this chapter seem familiar to you, it is purely a coincidence. This goes also for the last chapter and any upcoming chapters.

Ash was thinking.

Yes, he did it when he had to, thank you very much, but he usually reserved all his thinking for battling, where it really mattered.

He was sitting on a park bench somewhere in National Park. It was early afternoon, so he could see a lot of school kids running around, chasing the bug Pokemon into hiding.

Ash was thinking about the adoption forms he and Gary submitted that afternoon. The receptionist who took their papers had asked them where their wives were. After telling the receptionist that they were together...

'_As in, living in the same house?' _the receptionist asked.

'_No,' _said Gary, _'as in married.'_

The receptionist nearly ripped up their form after that.

Ash just couldn't understand what was so wrong about him and Gary being married.

They weren't hurting anybody, yet everyone seemed to be angry at them.

Well, everyone with the exception of his mom, his Pokemon, Misty, Brock, Tracey, Ritchie, Professor Oak, Sabrina, and Pikachu.

Ash sighed. What was so hard about getting a kid?!

"I knew I'd find you here."

Ash turned around and saw Gary standing behind him. The older man took a seat next to Ash, and put his arm around him.

"What's wrong, Ash?" he asked

Ash looked up to the sky. "I just don't get it Gary..." he said. Gary moved his arm away from Ash and looked at his husband.

'_He must still be upset about the receptionist...'_ he thought.

"Ash, listen," Gary said. He stood up and took a few steps forward, his hands in his pockets. "No matter how much shit comes our way, I'll never give up on us. We worked too hard to get here, and this whole baby thing is just one of the problems in our way."

He turned back to Ash and knelt in front of the younger man. He took Ash's hands into his, and kissed the ring on Ash's finger.

"Ash, we made a promise, and I'm not about to break it. We'll get a child, no matter what it takes."

Ash stared at Gary, not really understanding where he was going with his speech. At that moment, a young couple walked right by then. Ash and Gary watched them for a moment. It was nice seeing another couple of people in love. The man was holding his wife's hand. She was very big, about 8 months pregnant. "I'll always love you, sweetie." He said as he kissed her cheek.

And that's when Ash finally realized why they couldn't have a baby. It was so obvious; it was amazing he hadn't seen it before!

Ash turned back to Gary.

"Well, Gary that speech was romantic and all, but that's not what I was worried about."

Gary blinked. "...What?"

Ash smiled at him. "I've been thinking about why you couldn't get pregnant..."

"Wait..._wait_ Ash...didn't we _talk_ about this already?"

Ash tilted his head. "Huh? Talk about what?"

Gary smacked his forehead. "Last night Ash, remember? We invited Grandpa and your mom to dinner and we talked about pregnancy."

Ash shook his head. Gary didn't even bother to try to refresh his memory. It was pointless, if he really thought about it. Ash's mind couldn't hold short term information.

What was it called...Oh yes! Short term memory loss! Gary wanted to blame Pikachu for this, but it was really his fault.

When they were little, Gary _"accidentally"_ pushed Ash out of a tree. Ash fell on his head and had to go to the hospital for a mild concussion. The rest, as they say, is history.

"Well anyway, Gary, I have something to tell you." Ash took Gary's hands in his and looked right into his eyes.

"I know the whole pregnancy must scare you, but don't worry. I won't hate you when you get fat."

Gary stared back into Ash's eyes. _'He's completely serious...'_

"Ash, I can't get pregnant. Between the two of us, you have a better chance of getting pregnant."

"Huh? Why me?"

"What? What do you mean, 'why you?' You'd get pregnant because...because...oh forget it..." Gary took his seat next to Ash and closed his eyes. It really was pointless, trying to explain it to Ash.

Author's Note: This is late. Two days late, in fact. This chapter came out okay, I guess. Please leave a review. If you feel the urge to leave a flame, go ahead.


	3. Chapter 3

No Mr. Ketchum, You Can't Have a Baby.

Chapter 3:

How to Fight Discrimination 

Disclaimer: Pokemon is property of Nintendo, Game freak and Pokemon USA.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The last time we saw Ash and Gary, they were giving our dear heroine, Ms. Parker, a hard time.

_How_, you ask?

Well, they were _gay_, simple as that. They were _gay_ and _together,_ possible _**married.**_

Ms. Parker shuddered at the thought of two men getting married.

It was absurd!

It was unheard of!

It was _disgusting_!

After she left her office, she could not believe that she had actually given them the adoption papers. The only relief she had was when she remembered it would be nearly impossible for them to adopt a child. That was the last thing she wanted, some innocent child raised by homosexuals.

Speaking of innocent children, her own son was with her on a casual trip to the local grocery store.

He was walking right beside her, like any good child would. He did not hold her hand and he did not touch anything in the store.

Well, he _better not_ touch anything in the store.

He was twelve years old and a mirror image of his mother in both looks and choice of attire. Ms. Parker made sure he wore nothing but boy clothing from the most expensive clothing store she knew.

She walked towards the bathroom supplies aisle. It was always the last stop before going to the cashiers. Her son, being a perfectly heterosexual young male, actually seemed

excited at the thought of going to the women's only section.

_Ha-ha!_ She laughed to herself, _what boy wouldn't?_

If only she knew.

Ms. Parker and her son walked towards the make-up section (where her son was eyeing the lipstick). That was when she heard _**him**_.

"Hey Gary, where are the lubricants?"

That voice...that voice that haunted her waking hours and echoed through her mind while she slept.

"How should I know, Ash? I don't work here." Replied Gary.

_Oh No...,_ Ms. Parker thought miserably, _I remember their names..._

She glanced at he son. She had to get away, to protect her son's innocence. Her son, (_what an innocent flower he was!_), was completely unaware of the danger they were in.

Oh, to have a child's innocence again!

She looked for an easy escape route. The homos were blocking one of the better ones. If she just pushed past the old woman and her shopping cart, she'll be in the clear! She was just about to go through with her plan, when she felt someone tap her shoulder.

And it wasn't her sweet little buttercup. He couldn't even reach her shoulder!

"Excuse me, miss? Do you know where the lubricants are?"

She ignored him, and pretended to look for some kind of make-up.

"Maybe she doesn't speak English?" Gary offered.

Were they blind? She was not wearing a uniform! From the corner of her eye, she could see her son looking cautiously at the men. He was smiling, like he was going to greet them (or correct them of their mistake). That's right, angel! Defend mommy's honor!

He did neither, which is to say, he did nothing.

"You really think so Gary? Okay then¿_donde estas los lubricantes_?"

You know those moments when somebody says something so stupid, you almost can't believe it?

...Yeah, Ms. Parker was having one of those wonderful moments.

Her son started laughing first. Gary joined him soon after. Apparently, Ash and Ms. Parker were the only ones who didn't find it very amusing.

Ms. Parker and Ash both turned to their respected person and gave them a glare that could freeze blood. (1)

"Shut it." They growled.

Her son immediately became quiet, but Gary only laughed harder.

"S-Say it again!" he managed to say between breaths. "Come on! S-s-s..." Not much else could be heard over Gary's laughter.

Ms. Parker saw this as the perfect opportunity to escape. So she grabbed her son and ran.

Hopefully, she'll never see them again.

But, you know what they say: Never say never.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Author's Notes: Okay...I wish I knew how to make page breaks. That would make life a little bit more organized. I brought back Ms. Parker because she reminds me of homophobes. Her radical dislike for any sort deviation was the reason why I thought she should make it in the 3rd chapter. Needless to say, I like the third chapter better than the second.

That number (1) thing up there was just me actually thinking of Ash having a 'death glare'. Maybe it's just me, but I can see him as evil Ash, and using glares concerning Pokemon and fighting for what he believes in. But, actually glaring at some one in a playful way? Kinda hard to picture. When he's pissed at you, you'll know. He won't look happy.

Okay, next time, I'll actually but some Pokemon into this. TTFN


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Okay, first off...Bittersweet Romanticide...you have no idea how close to the truth you are. I really like how Azuru saw the one-liner in each chapter. That's the reason why those chapters existed! If you guys can think of one really funny line, would you mind telling me about it? I'd love to make Ash say it! X3

Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Nintendo, Game Freak and Pokemon USA. Erik and Ms. Parker are mine. As in, I made them up.

I dedicate this to all of the reviewers, because, without you, this chapter probably wouldn't be here...or any up coming chapters...

OoOoOoOoOoooOoOo

No Mr. Ketchum You Can't Have a Baby

Chapter 4:

Everybody Hates Ms. Parker 

Or

Adoption Center Blues

OoOooOoOOoOoOoOOOoOoOoOoOooOooOoo

OOoOooOOoOOoOOoOOoooOOooOo

OOOOoOoOOO

"Ash, are you sure you want to adopt?" Gary Oak, pokemon professor, was standing beside his young husband. He was looking into a large room filled with children—hundreds of them just laughing and playing without a damn care in the world.

Ash had his hands pressed on the glass, staring at the children as if he was mesmerized by their simplistic complexity...

Where did that come from? Simplistic complexity...?

"Hey Gary, I want that one!" Ash pointed at one boy who was standing off to the side, watching the others play. He looked so sad and lost. The boy wore a crisp green blouse and pressed khaki pants. His blonde hair was slicked back.

"They are not puppies Mr. Ketchum, they are children." droned a voice behind them. Ash turned around and found himself face to face with Ms. Parker.

Yes, THAT Ms. Parker.

The one whom haunts the nightmares of many a gay man (or woman.)

The woman who every child would _hate_ to have for a parent.

That is Ms. Parker.

Pity the child who came from her womb.

Gary sneered. "What are you doing here? Aren't you a marriage consoler?"

Ms. Parker crossed her arms. "I also work the adoption center from time to time. She proclaimed.

"Oh really, was it before or after we told you we wanted to adopt?"

Ms. Parker bristled. Damn...the fags were smarter than she gave them credit for.

"If you must know Mr. Oak..."

"I want that one!" Ash exclaimed again. The boy he was pointing at was looking right at Ash. He had a strange look on his face, like he was ready to smile, but was too shy to even manage that.

The boy looked as if he were trying to hide.

Ms. Parker looked through the glass and clicked her tongue.  
"You can't have that child Mr. Ketchum." she shot.

Ash crossed his arms. "First I can't have a baby and now I can't have that kid? What's the big deal anyway?"

Ms. Parker inhaled very slowly. She would not deal stupidity today...She would not deal with stupidity today...

She exhaled. "Mr. Ketchum, there is perfectly logical explanation as to why you cannot have that particular child."

"And why is that? Is it because I'm not a girl?" he scowled.

"No, Mr. Ketchum it is because that child happens to be mine."

Gary stared at Ms. Parker. "He's your kid? Who would bother knocking you up?"

Ms. Parker turned red. 'It's none of your business."

Ash, however, took out his pokeball. "You wanna battle for him, Ms. Parker? That kid's as good as mine!"

Ms. Parker felt her hand twitch. She needed to hit something.

"You can't win him! He is my child you buffoon!" she growled.

Ash laughed. "I've been having a winning streak lately, I'm sure I'll win!"

The blonde boy walked out of the room and stood beside Ms. Parker. He kept his fair eyes trained on Ash Ketchum, as if he were a creature to be fearful of.

Ms. Parker smiled. Her baby angel was so intelligent!

"This," she announced, "is _my_ eight year old son Erik."

Ash reached over and ruffled the boy's hair. "Hey there Erik, my name's Ash and this is Gary..." Ash proclaimed.

Ms. Parker rolled her eyes. _'Like I haven't heard that line before...'_

Erik stared up at Ash, his breath coming in short and quick. Luckily, or unluckily, Gary noticed. The brunet knelt down to the boy's level and put a hand to the kid's forehead. Erik's face was starting to turn a bright shade of red.

"Hey, calm down kid." Gary warned. The warning came too late. The boy dropped into a dead faint.

"ERIK!" Ms. Parker shrieked before scooping the boy into her arms before Mr. Ketchum even had a chance to blink.

"Is he defective?" Ash asked Gary.

Gary slapped Ash over the head. "Ashy...that was just stupid. Do us a favor and stop talking." Gary mumbled.

Ash held his head. "What was that for? And it wasn't stupid, it was a _real_ question!"

Ms. Parker escaped before any more harm could be done to her and her child.

Really, the nerve of those _fags_!

OoOooOOooooooOOOOOOOoOOooOo

OoOOooooooooOOOOooOooooOOOO

oOOooOOoOoOoOoooooOoOOOo

Author's Note: Yeah...I know that it is short...and it isn't all that funny... (Well, I didn't think it was...I'd say it was cute...but that's what reviews are for!)...but...guess what. Yes, a new chapter will be up AFTER Christmas! I'm already working on it! I thank all of you who have reviewed which includes and is not limited to:

**Bittersweet Romanticide, Azuru, Keela, Galbinus, NeDeN-CaNdY, L.lucario, and AnimeDutchess.**

If I forgot somebody, please kick me.

Review, flame, whatever.


	5. Chapter 5

No Mr. Ketchum, You Can't Have a Baby

Which Chapter is this, anyway?

Author's Note: You know...I wasn't going to post this chapter up at one point. But, as I progressed with the plot I realized that I actually needed this chapter to be posted...

Ah...and this was supposed to be chapter 7...the original chapter five is still on the cutting board. Yes. ON the cutting board.

Disclaimer: Pokemon is the property of Game Freak, Nintendo and PUSA. I'm rooting for Nintendo to 'wow' me at this year's E3. I'm really hoping Nintendo makes something that will have to make Sony and Microsoft bend over and kiss its butt!

And if Nintendo fails to impress...and if there is a big Sony/Microsoft fan amongst you readers, let me know so I could write something for you. I want another project to work on. In case I wasn't clear...**If Nintendo does not win the battle at E3 this year, I will write any fanfic you wish.** By 'you' I mean those readers who are Sony/Microsoft fans. The showdown begins!!

* * *

Baby Talk with Dawn 

"I just don't get it Dawn! Why won't they let me have a baby? I'm the world's greatest pokemon master! I'm great with children and babies, especially baby pokemon! Aren't I good enough to have my own little bundle of slobbering joy?"

It was exactly 5:53 am.

Dawn stared at the young man standing on her doorstep as he ranted on about the unfairness of life. She was dressed in a simple pink nightgown with a plain white robe that barely covered her growing stomach.

"Ash, what are you talking about?" she asked. What was his reason for coming up to her doorstep this early in the morning?

Ash stopped ranted for a moment and grabbed Dawn by her shoulders. He leaned in dangerously close to her face.

Dawn's thoughts were racing a mile a minute. Was Ash drunk? Was he high? Was he so upset about not having a baby that he would go as far to extract _hers_?

"Dawn...why?" he hissed into her face. "Why?!"

Dawn tried to take a few steps back. "I-I don't know Ash! Listen, just st-stay there and I'll get Zoey, okay? Let's not do anything rash now!" she tried to put on a sweet smile for extra measure.

Ash's face twitched. "No! I'm gonna do it! I swear I'm gonna do it!"

Dawn screamed, "Ash what are you talking about? You're scaring me! Zoey! Zoey, help me!"

In five minutes, all the confusion was cleared up. They were all sitting inside of Dawn's living room. Most of the furniture was worn out but small things like Dawn and Zoey's hard-won ribbons and trophies, brightened up the room. Zoey and Dawn sat in front of Ash, who was clutching a warm cup of coffee. Zoey had her arm wrapped protectively around Dawn's shoulders, on the off chance Ash decided go crazy again.

"Ash, you should stop worrying about having a baby, and concentrate on other things for now, until everything is smooth again." Zoey stated. She wasn't happy about waking up so early, but she tried to sound kind.

Ash slumped forward in his seat. "But I've been preparing for this baby forever! Gary still isn't pregnant, the adoption center hasn't called us...I don't know what else to do..."

"You can always do what I did." offered Dawn.

Zoey turned slowly to Dawn. _'She couldn't possibly be suggesting...?'_

Dawn stood up and walked over to Ash.

"Mr. Ketchum you _will_ have a baby!"

Ash looked up at her. "How will I have a baby, Dawn?"

Dawn took Ash's hands and pulled him up so he could stand next to her. "Ash, ask Misty to have a baby for you!"

In the recess of Ash's mind, the gears were finally turning.

The plan...a simple idea that could get him **killed** for just asking...

To finally have a child...one of his own flesh and blood...

...Was a child really worth that much to invoke the hurricane that was Misty?

Ash shook his head. "Nuh-uh. No way anywhere, Dawn."

Dawn frowned. "Why not, Ash? It's perfect! She can have the baby and everything."

"I don't have a death wish Dawn, that's why." Ash sighed and put his cup on the coffee table. "Thanks Dawn...bye you two..." Ash shuffled out the door and into the morning sun. As he walked back home, Dawn's words made him sick to his stomach. What kind of crazy advice was that? Gary would never agree to something like that anyway...

Right?


	6. Chapter 6

No Mr. Ketchum You Can't Have a Baby

The Evasive Chapter 5!!

Author's Note: Hmm...funny how everything can change in the blink of an eye...Well, there's a reason why I took so long...and since I already took so long to update this, I won't bore you with what happened in my life and stuff. Onward with the fanfic!!

* * *

The Hardest Lesson in Life to Learn is When to Stop Talking 

Misty did not like Ash Ketchum like that.

Misty _never_ liked Ash Ketchum like that.

So when Brock asked her if she was sad that Ash turned out to be gay, she asked, 'How did you NOT know?'  
Ash was actually pretty irritating; she wondered how much longer Gary would stand to be near him. If she were Gary, she would have suffocated Ash in his sleep.

But, she had to admit, the idiot has some sort of appeal. He had real emotions and actually proved to be a great battler. Misty wouldn't mind bearing his children. She'd make sure they didn't turn out stupid, but she'd know that they would all be amazing pokemon trainers.  
But she didn't want children now and she didn't like Ash enough to let him get that close to her anyway. Not like he'd know what to do.

That's why it surprised her to find out that between Ash and Gary, Ash wore the pants in the sexual area of their relationship.  
How did she know? Well...

"Misty...do you think something is wrong with Gary?" Ash asked her one day. They were on a date (sort of) at the ice cream parlor. Misty had been planning this day for a few weeks, so that she could have a break from the gym and Ash was just happy to be with Misty again. It was just like the good old days when they traveled the world, minus Brock. They were sitting outside, beneath one of the large table umbrellas provided by the parlor.

Misty dipped her spoon into her waffle bowl of cookies and cream.

"I don't know Ash. Is something wrong with him?"  
He nodded and took a bite of his chocolate ice cream. Misty waited for him to get over his brain freeze (laughing at him the whole time and thinking he looked so cute ...and then thinking she was crazy for thinking he was cute). When he recovered, he picked up his trail of thought.

"Well, yeah, something is wrong with him. He won't get pregnant."

"...Ash, he's never going to get pregnant."

"And why not?"

"Because it's impossible..."

Ash crossed his arms and looked Misty dead in the eye. The chocolate ice cream from his cone dripped on his shirt sleeve. "Misty, nothing is impossible, especially getting Gary pregnant. I've been reading," here Misty gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Ash decided to ignore her, "and the books say that the best way to get pregnant is to go at it every night..."

Was he seriously telling her his sex life...?

"...And even though he isn't, you know...ovulating--"

"Stop. Stop right there Ketchum. You do know men CANNOT under any circumstances; have anything related to a menstrual cycle?"  
At this Ash smiled. "Misty, Misty, Misty. Like I said nothing is impossible. And I've figured out the best way ever to, you know, get past the fact that Gary can't ovulate-"

"-And hopefully never will."

Ash threw a piece of his waffle cone at her head to shut her up. Misty threw her whole ice cream bowl.  
After they ordered another round -paid by Ash- the brunet decided it was time to tell her his amazing plan.  
"Misty, all I have to do is...go at it with Gary every single night for a whole month! I know somewhere during that time he'll get pregnant and I'll be ready!!"

Misty choked on her ice cream.

When Ash came over to her house the next day, to ask if she wanted to have another round of ice cream, she politely slammed the door in his face.

* * *

Author's Note: Next chapter...who knows! I know I do...


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: It really has been a long long time, hasn't it? Well, I'm back now and ready to pick up the pace again! Next chapter will be more lul-worthy. This is just a transition (if you so choose to see it in that way). Thank you all for sticking with me for this long, errors and all. Enjoy!

**No Mr. Ketchum You Can't Have a Baby** _presents_:

Life with Mr. Oak!

Gary Oak wakes up every morning at precisely seven am. He does so to beat the traffic that clogs the roads at the break of dawn. Once his old fashioned alarm goes off, Gary sits up and stretches. Next he turns to his partner in crime and nudges him softly. Gary does not usually receive a response and nor do the readers care if Gary ever gives a response because in truth no one has ever bothered to record Mr. Oak's every action.

No one until Ms. Parker.

At the moment Ms. Parker finds herself standing in front of the Ketchum residence with a note in hand. 'I believe it should be you to tell them the good news!' exclaimed her boss at five in the morning, three weeks ago. To Ms. Parker this was no good news. Especially if one were to remember that Ms. Parker worked part-time at an adoption agency. And that she had a very very low opinion of anyone and anything that had an interest towards the same gender.

Ms. Parker wished she could forget she was standing in front of a gay man's house. There were no reminders of the resident's homosexual lifestyle but Ms. Parker was sure, she was absolutely positive, that one of them would come out and proclaim his pride wearing nothing but a revealing article of clothing.

Ms. Parker shuddered at the thought. Since she did not want to be caught off guard, Ms. Parker decided to spy on the fags. All she found out was that Mr. Oak was a very precise man who liked to keep a schedule while Mr. Ketchum preferred to go with the flow of life rather than plan things out. She found herself hating Mr. Ketchum more and more. Mr. Oak however was proving to be a wonderful person who may or may not have been set astray by that wily Ketchum boy.

She could not see how anyone could be swayed by someone who looked like a moronic child and acting the part of a fool on a regular basis. What was the appeal of a boy with such generic looks and such horrible filthy clothing? Ms. Parker considered herself lucky that she was not snared by Mr. Ketchum.

Like every morning since Ms. Parker began spying on the couple Mr. Ketchum rolled away from his partner and groaned a bit. Mr. Oak would shake him again, this time saying a few words of encouragement. Mr. Ketchum would then turn to face Mr. Oak and smile.

The entire scene made Ms. Parker cringe.

Ms. Parker could just make out a faint "Good morning Gary," before Mr. Oak decided to continue his morning routine. Mr. Ketchum would laze about in bed for a few more moments then push himself off. He would grab a few clothes from a desk in the far corner of the room and follow Mr. Oak into the bathroom. This part of the routine varied and heavily depended on their general mood. Regardless of what happened within the bathroom during that time, Mr. Oak would always emerge first with a large smile on his face and walk towards the kitchen. Mr. Ketchum would spend a total of three minutes in the bathroom while his Pikachu (who was always the last to wake up) would scratch at the bathroom door waiting to be let inside.

This was the moment Ms. Parker was waiting for. She stealthy made her way towards the back door and looked through the small window. Inside she knew Mr. Oak was preparing a simple breakfast and at this exact moment his bare back was turned to the window she was spying through, his taut muscles rippling beneath his smooth skin as he poured himself a mug of coffee. He was only wearing a pair of slacks and black socks. His blouse, which was pressed and ironed, was draped over one of the dining room chairs. Mr. Oak's hair was the only part of him that was disorganized.

Ms. Parker swallowed her nervousness and knocked on the door. Immediately, Mr. Oak turned towards the sound. Ms. Parker held herself with dignity as Mr. Oak made a face but managed to hide it with a quick smile. He walked towards the door and opened it slowly and deliberately. Ms. Parker knew this because in this way she would have to be forced to see Mr. Oak's entire chest as though she were at a strip tease.

Not that she knew what a strip tease was, or if she had ever been to one. No, that was simply out of the question. The very thought of her attending a strip tease was absurd!

"Good morning miss…-"

"Parker." She said. His voice caught her off guard. It had been quite a while since she had last seen the man and somehow the sound of his voice sent chills down her spine. Chills? Ms. Parker steeled herself and looked right into Mr. Oak's eyes.

"I am here to inform you of the children who are available to you at the moment." She reached into her bag and pulled out a large manila folder. Mr. Oak looked stunned for a moment and took the folder.

"This isn't a joke is it?" he asked. He looked so innocent for a moment. The sight took her breath away. She could not trust her voice so she shook her head. She allowed a small rare smile to cross her face.

"Mr. Oak, make sure that you look through those options quickly and fill out all the required forms." She managed to say this without letting her hesitation show. "I must leave now. Good day Mr. Oak." Ms. Parker quickly turned around and walked out the door and straight to her car. In seconds she was already speeding out of his neighborhood.

"What was that about?" Ash asked as he emerged from the bedroom. He was already dressed in a plain tee and shorts. Pikachu was lounging on his shoulder. Gary walked over to Ash and handed over the folder. "See for yourself." He walked back to the kitchen, counting down the seconds until Ash read through the article and realized what he was holding. Needless to say Gary was instantly tackled to the ground by a screaming Ketchum who could not be consoled. That morning the world was greeted by Ash's exuberant voice.

* * *

All trips and meetings that morning were cancelled. Ash and Gary sat in their living room surrounded by pictures of all the children who fit the qualifications they asked for and many who did not but who were just as wanted. They separated the children's pictures and profiles, shifted though facts and small trinkets of personal information. Every child was different. Every child wanted the same thing. But how many of them would want to stay with two gay men? Gary looked at Ash. The younger man was sitting beside him, his mouth set in a straight line. A small crease formed between his eyebrows. At another time Gary would have done something to make the crease go away and say something sweet but he was sure that he had the same look on his own face.

As immature as Ash handled the situation at times, Gary knew Ash really wanted a child of his own. He wanted it to be of his own flesh and blood, to continue the Ketchum name so to speak. It was one of the few "macho" traits Ash possessed. If Ash couldn't get Gary pregnant then what would that make Ash? Impotent? Even if Ash knew Gary couldn't get pregnant, it could not kill that drive of his. Gary easily blamed Ash's mother. Without a real father figure she relied on boyfriends and one-day lovers to fill in that hole in her life. Unfortunately all the men Ms. Ketchum decided to date had some sort of inferiority complex. Ms. Ketchum would always tell Gary how lucky she was to have the morning after pill. At the time he did not understand.

Gary was sure that Ash might have that child he was looking for if he decided to stay with Gary and not someone else, like Misty or May. At one point Ash did like Misty. Before they became a couple, Ash used to rant about Misty. Everyday Gary could not go through his life without hearing something trivial about the girl. Gary was glad those days were long behind him.

"Hey Gary, look at this kid." Ash leaned over and showed Gary a picture of a sad looking girl with frightening eyes. "And this one." He gave Gary another picture, this time of a child who looked as if it had not eaten in months. Gary could not tear his eyes away from the picture. Something stirred inside of him, something urging him to go towards the child and gather him or her into his arms and never let go. "They all came from abusive households Gary." Gary could hear the tears in Ash's voice. He may have had a stone face but deep down he was too soft, too gentle. "These are kids that nobody wants because of all the problems they have."

"…We can't adopt them all… if that's what you're thinking…"

Ash shrugged his shoulders and started to gather up the photos. He was careful to place each one in a particular order, from youngest to oldest. It seemed to Gary that they older they got, the more upset they became.

"I know… would be nice to…" he opened up the folder and slid them inside, glancing towards Gary only when he was done. "Hey, let's go show my mom these pictures. She loves kids! And hey, maybe she'll want to help pick out her grandson too!"


End file.
